


Especially Now

by Serenity_V



Series: An Acquired Taste [8]
Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Keens Having So Much Baggage It's Not Even Funny But Helping Each Other Carry It, Names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 02:38:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6734554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serenity_V/pseuds/Serenity_V
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jacob had to be breaking some sort of record. He was marrying the same woman for the third time…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Especially Now

“…to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Liz’s eyes never left his. Man, she was beautiful.

“I would,” she said coolly, addressing herself to Jacob, “but you aren’t Tom Keen.”

It took a moment for his mind to process her words, and then he was lying on the ground, bleeding out from the three gunshot wounds in his stomach. Where had she gotten the gun?

Of course, knowing Liz, it would be more surprising if she _hadn’t_ secreted a gun in her wedding dress.

The world shifted, a ship replacing the church, people melting away until only he remained, with Liz standing over him.

_Just like old times…_

“Liz,” he forced out, “What…?”

“Please,” she scoffed, “No one has _ever_ wanted Jacob. Why should I be any different?”

A moment later, he woke to Lizzie’s concerned face hovering over him.

“Tom? Are you okay?”

Jacob shook his head, not in answer, but in an effort to clear it. He met with questionable success. He wasn’t one to put much stock in nightmares, but his ears still rang with what the dream-Liz had said to him.

“Tom?”

“Please,” he blurted out his first thought, his filter dissolving in the face of his disorientation, “Just this once, would you please just call me Jacob?”

Abruptly, Liz fell into a heavy silence, and a part of Jacob had regained awareness enough to regret his rash request, realizing that she was analyzing him based on it. He knew her analysis would be more accurate than he’d like.

Mostly, though, he was preoccupied by what she’d said to him – or, what his image of her had. Whatever; it didn’t matter.

It was true.

He’d once let himself hope that she could know him as he truly was and find it in herself to love him, anyway.

“Jacob,” Liz said, interrupting his thoughts and filling the name with as much love as she ever had “Tom.”

It hurt to hear, because he knew that the latter was what she meant when she said it.

“Liz, don’t-”

“I didn’t know it was that important to you.”

“It’s not. It was stupid. I was half-asleep when I said it, just forget about-”

 _“T-_ _Jacob.”_

He sighed at her tone. That was her _not-backing-down-till-kingdom-come_ voice. He tried one last time to brush her off, more on principle than in any real hope of success.

“I’m fine. Just don’t call me Jacob, I didn’t mean it.”

She paused a moment, but he knew her too well to believe she was giving up. No, she was looking for the best method of attack. It didn’t take her long to find it.

“Why not?”

He hesitated, but there was nothing for it. She wouldn’t rest until he gave her the truth on this. And, he’d promised no more lies.

“Look, I know you still see me as Tom, and I’m okay with that. Really. I’ll be whoever you need me to be. Just don’t call me Jacob when I know you don’t mean it.”

Well, he’d surprised her, judging by the look in her eyes. But she would reciprocate soon enough; he had no clue how she’d react to what he’d said. He didn’t have long to wait.

“You,” Liz said, voice and eyes hard, “are an _idiot.”_

“What?”

“I never loved Tom Keen. I fell in love with the little pieces of _you_ I saw slipping through the mask.”

“Liz-”

 _“Shut up,_ and _listen._ You first gave me a second glance after I _poisoned_ myself to make a point. You felt comfortable around me after I _shot and killed_ a man in front of you. You fell even more in love with me after I stabbed you in the throat with a pen. You barely batted an eye when I told you I nearly _murdered_ a man – with nothing more than a pen – and didn’t feel the slightest bit of remorse-”

“Well, it’s not like I’m a fan of Reddington,” Jacob muttered, unable to help himself. Liz ignored him.

“The point is, what I fell in love with was your ability to stand beside me, come hell or high water. Your willingness to accept me, even at my darkest. And, none of that was the naïve civilian you pretended to be. That was _you._ ”

Jacob thought for a moment, mulling over the incidents Lizzie had listed. It was true he’d let quite a bit slip…

“I kept calling you Tom, not because I see you as you were – or pretended to be – but because you didn’t become a different person; you just finally let me see the parts of you you’d always kept hidden.”

Jacob knew she meant it, but did that make it true? Had she actually seen and accepted who he really was? He didn’t know.

“Okay,” he said simply. Liz searched his eyes for a moment and didn’t look satisfied with what she saw, but she let it go. Lying beside him, she raised a hand to gently trace his scars. There weren’t many; someone like him couldn’t afford many mistakes. He wondered if she was thinking about the explanations he’d fed her when she’d first discovered them all.

Her hand stilled over the one on the lower right side of his abdomen.

“Was it really appendicitis?” she murmured.

“No,” he admitted, hoping she would drop it. No such luck.

“What was it?”

“Why do you want to know?” he hedged.

“Because it’s a part of you.”

“Liz,” Jacob sighed, “It’s…not a good story.”

“Obviously.”

“Lizzie-”

 _“Jacob._ Please, just tell me.”

“Fine. You want to know how I got that scar? I got it in a fight on a mission in which I killed four innocent people. Civilians. Collateral damage, you know how it goes.” He spoke sardonically, his voice sharp and biting as it always was when she backed him into a corner. “Are you happy now? Now you’ve been reminded what a monster you married?”

He carefully watched her face, and she just as carefully kept it blank, looking at him with guarded eyes for a long moment before slowly leaning forward and pressing her lips to his. He was too surprised to return the kiss, and she kept it short, pulling away in favor of answering him.

“I’ve known for a long time what you’re capable of. The sort of things you’ve done. You _did_ kill an innocent man in front of me, remember?” Her voice was almost _light._ Her eyes boring into his with complete sincerity, voice filled with unconditional love as she spoke his name, she said what Jacob had so often, echoing the best reassurance he’d been able to give her while masquerading as Tom Keen.

“I know you, _Jacob._ And, you haven’t scared me off yet.”

And he believed her.

* * *

Wedding days were often said to take on a surreal quality, but Jacob was pretty sure it was usually for more mundane reasons than the groom’s former handler showing up to kill him – after, of course, the lecture was over.

“Where do you think we went wrong? When did you start to feel _love_ for Elizabeth Keen?”

When, indeed? Jacob could remember moments when she’d surprised him, when he’d grown to feel respect and affection for her. He could even pinpoint when he’d realized that he loved her. But, when had it actually happened?

“I don’t know. I just know that it happened. And I’m really glad that it did.”

“Even now?”

“Especially now.” And it was true. He’d never loved Liz more than in recent days. Ever since his nightmare, she’d called him Jacob, and he’d known she understood exactly what it meant. She knew him, and she loved him, anyway.

He was going to die. But he was going to die knowing that Liz wanted to marry him – again – this time knowing exactly what she was choosing. That Liz wanted to raise their baby with him. That Liz _loved_ him – so much that she would probably personally hunt down both Gina and the Major and kill them herself.

Being loved by Liz was _worth_ dying for. Hadn’t he made that decision the first time around?

He closed his eyes and waited for a bullet that never came.

* * *

“We are gathered here today in celebration of Elizabeth and Tom.”

“Jacob,” Liz interjected, and Cooper paused.

“Excuse me?” he asked, looking about as startled as Jacob felt.

“Uh, his real name is Jacob. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt – I should have told you earlier, I just didn’t think about it. He’s pretty much still going by Tom, but,” she turned to face her husband. “It’s our wedding. I figured we should do it right,” she finished with a small smile. Had she ever been more perfect?

**Author's Note:**

> So, I know this is a little AU, and I really wanted to keep this series as canon as I could, but I felt it needed to be done. Hope you enjoyed :)


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